Sometimes I just talk too much, and this is rude. Sometimes I am too fixated on what has just happened that I just forget to ask the person in-front of me about them. Sometimes when my brain is focused on something, I can’t move its focus elsewhere. I might talk too much about my special interest, and not ask someone how their day was, because let’s face it, no-one gives a truthful answer anyway. Or we may voluntarily put ourselves in them, but not socialise ‘politely’ or in the way expected of us. We may be asked to participate in social situations. Sometimes a set of instructions is too much. Ask me directly please.Įven if someone does ask me to do something, I may not be able to do it, and this may seem rude. I KNOW it seems like I should know you are asking me to clear the table, or I should just do it without being asked. Unless someone asks me to do something, how am I meant to know I need to do it? Look at this interaction: Our rudeness is also apparently evident when we are expected to do something even though we haven’t been asked to do it. This can be seen as selfish, and hence ‘rude’. For example, an autistic person who is fixated on something that they want to finish may not realise someone near them is upset. We may be unable to stop what we are doing. This is not our intention.Īs well as on concepts, we can become fixated on particular activities. So we keep pushing and questioning, which looks like we keep undermining other people’s authority of continually disrespecting the other person. If something doesn’t seem right or fair, we can’t shift our focus elsewhere. And we must accept other people’s opinions, even when they are wrong. So we may push them onto other people because they are facts, and it can be difficult to accept other people’s opinions which are against this fact. This black and white thinking means that things which other people might see as ‘opinions’, are solid facts to us. And again, this ‘correcting’ business is wrong apparently. If something presents as black and white to me, and someone else describes it in a way which JUST ISN’T ‘RIGHT’, I might feel the need to correct them. This black and white thinking can present as ‘rude’ too. Seeking for things to make sense in our brains which are very black and white. When really we’re just seeking to understand. That questioning people, unless in the ‘right’ circumstances, means you think you’re more important than they are. Because, let’s be honest, why wouldn’t I correct you if I know you’re wrong? Or if a rule doesn’t make sense to me, why wouldn’t I question it? This causes problems especially when you are questioning someone of higher authority than yourself. In actual fact, we just need the details so we can get on with it.Īutistic people can be quite pedantic. It also might seem like we are purposefully trying to be ‘difficult’. It might seem as if we weren’t listening the first time. We might also seek clarification when we are given an instruction. Even when the child has no intention of not doing the task, once they understand and are able to commence it. Them seeking this reasoning seems to tell neurotypical adults that they are undermining their authority and that they are deliberately causing trouble. They are likely to continue to push until they have an answer which satisfies them enough so that they can carry out the task. But the autistic child might ask “Why do I have to do that?” or “I don’t understand why?”. For example, when a teacher gives an instruction to a class, most kids will listen straight away and get on with it. Many autistic people need to understand the reason for an act before they can do it. So, what exactly IS this so-called rudeness? In my experience, this is often from people who don’t know that I am autistic, or those who do but who think that autism isn’t an ‘excuse’ for ‘rudeness’. Autistic people are often told that they are being rude.
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